Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
It's never too late to be topless.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
