it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
