He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
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All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
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Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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