ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
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