ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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