hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Randomize
