once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
