put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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