My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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