On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Randomize
