I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
