he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
