I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
