I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
