Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
