yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
It's just like the Real World with babies
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
