After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
