i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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