My girlfriend figured out who you are.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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