don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
