Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
