i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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