I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
