I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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