Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
wow bdsm is so cute
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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