Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
