morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Randomize
