Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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