i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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