So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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