you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
