my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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