who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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