my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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