oh god the rape fog is back!
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
