drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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