when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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