Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
