FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize
