i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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