Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
