mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
