I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Randomize
