there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
