My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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