I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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