she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Randomize
