And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
