Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
