She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Bang-toberfest begins!!
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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