My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize
