So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
