The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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