I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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