Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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