We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
