Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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