why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
