i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
