why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
