My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
