ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
