Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
