BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
