i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
