super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I just got carded by a ten year old.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Randomize
