so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
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