Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
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I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
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Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
BRING THE BAGELS
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
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