dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
