I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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