I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
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Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
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