Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I just gargled with NyQuil
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
