U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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