Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
He had one of those small greek statue penises
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
