it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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