I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Randomize
