my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
and you fell through a lawn chair
Randomize
