If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
