He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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