i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
