new low.... made out with someone while peeing
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
